USA is A-Okay

This year I returned to the USA, or North America more appropriately, for almost three weeks. Part of me felt that I should have made my visit longer but I was set on having time to travel by myself during part of the summer so I could refresh, rejuvenate, relax before the next school year. As was mentioned in my end-of-the-year reflection, I had just finished two years of strenuous and dedicated work toward advancing myself in my profession. There was plenty of time alone, but most of it was devoted toward renewing my teaching licensing, plugging away my masters degree, and studying chemistry to add teaching licenses. Not quite how I would describe a calm period, nor meaningful alone time.
After the past three summers, I started growing restless. I wanted to start seeing where I came, or come, from in a different light. When I share my travels in Ecuador with “locals,” aka Ecuadorians, I often hear that I may sometimes know more of the country than them. Sometimes I feel taken aback by that, but I guess the same could be said about me and my state/country. My life in Milwaukee and Wisconsin were spent rather stationary. Previous visits were, too. There’s something to be said about being still, but I couldn’t do that again for a fourth summer in a row.

To free up time, I got onto Amazon.com and completed almost all of the shopping I wanted to do so that my schedule was more flexible. I could nap if I wanted. Meet with others. Sightsee. Whatever. Best decision ever. I had all the packages delivered to my mom & Jim’s house. “How many boxes are you expecting?!” I was asked with a surprising and light tone. As many that made it feel like Christmas in July. I bought my own first set of luggage, sweet and salty treats, equipment related to aquariums, and socks and underwear. I’ve ‘missed’ the last five Christmases— in Berlin/Amsterdam with Michelle for one, Ecuador for two, Perú to learn how to SCUBA dive once, and one more in Honduras for diving. Socks and underwear were presents I missed reviving so arriving to these packages really felt like Christmas... since several of the boxes contained simply socks and underwear. My mom and Jim wanted to see what I ordered, so we sat together as I unpacked and explained each of my purchases.

[As an aside, Christmas never felt the same after my Grandma Smith passed away in 2003, and certainly not after we brought her to the hospital a few years prior on Christmas Eve when we learned she had cancer. Christmas in Berlin was the first after my Bumpa passed away, and my first in Ecuador was after my Nana. It’s been another kind of running away, because I didn’t want to know what it would be like to have the holidays after them. That idea has always frightened me. 

I miss them, see them, feel them, speak with them all the time.]

At the Penzey's Spices Factory, in Wauwatosa

Like most trips, I made loose, flexible plans but with concrete places to go, people to see. I did, however, need to commit to certain plans and ideas because I was going to Ontario, Canada for the first time to be present in celebrating the marriage of two of my best friends, Kara and Jaime. For some reason, I was left with the impression that flying out of a larger international airport, a REAL international airport would be less expensive than Milwaukee. So I granted myself permission to fly out of Minneapolis which would give me reason to stop in places I’ve left forgotten in nearly a decade. Planned stops were made for the Wisconsin Dells and Eau Claire, Wisconsin, before reaching the Twin Cities. I wanted, needed to reconnect with these places. But I’m getting ahead of myself, chronologically.

The first few days in Wisconsin were spent finding my footing. The longer I spend away from the USA, the more I feel like a visitor or foreigner in my own country. What gives me culture shock? The immense size of everything: distances between locations and the amount of driving, the size of the people, and the selection of products. My mom and I spent one day exploring. A new IKEA was built near Gen. Mitchell Airport, so we went there. After that a pit stop to El Rey Food Mart near my old work, at Bradley Tech. There, I got to show my mom my Spanish skills as I ordered some Latin food products from the counters. I’m sure the employees were thinking “who is this gringo, ordering from us in Spanish?”

At Old World Wisconsin, in Eagle

Before leaving on my cross-Midwest road trip, I made a point to visit Old World Wisconsin. It’s an outdoor “living” museum by Mukwonago and Genesee, Wisconsin. The last time I was there was maybe in elementary school, and I felt drawn to go there. While walking around and taking in the history, the meaning of what it is to be a Wisconsinite became refreshed in my memory. Life wasn’t easy for the original settlers and founders of the Wisconsin territory. This land, with its bogs and marshes, deep forests, and harsh seasons created unique conditions that constantly threatened survival. Land was cheap after forests were reduced to stumps, and it could have been years for a family to remove the stumps from the ground before they could plow it for farming. African-Americans were present before even the Civil War and worked, worshiped side-by-side with European-Americans. The more I learned and remembered, the more rooted I felt. It taught me things  that allowed me to understand more of who I am.

The next day, I left solo toward Minneapolis but with two planned stops along the way. The first was in the Dells. Don’t ask me why, I still don’t get it, but I wanted to go to Noah’s Ark for an afternoon. That was a struggle bus. I swallowed my judgement as I paid the $15 for parking and $42 for an adult admission to the water park. I should have taken the hint to leave, but the odd interactions gave me a perspective that I needed to learn. Because I need a record of why I will probably never go there again, here is an abridged version of why I stayed for 20 minutes and then booked it:

After (paying for) parking, I walked up to the ticket counter. Mind you, the only people really working at Noah’s Ark are foreigners, probably International Students at universities. Not a big deal but probably resulted in some serious miscommunication. Four employees were standing around & conversing. I stand there for almost ten seconds unnoticed before I say “Sooooo, where do I buy a ticket?” Blank stares meet me. I point to one person, “with you?” He turns & walks away. A young woman then tells me, “Here.” I pay, ask if they have lockers. “Yes.” “Okay, how much are they?” “I don’t know.” “Oooookaaaaay. Can you find out that information?” The other young woman, also an employee who she was talking with, chimes in. “10, 15, 20.” “Dollars?!” “Yes.” Good grief. I should have listened to my intuition & turned myself around at that point. I sure did turn around but didn't leave, though. Instead, I changed into my swimsuit in my rental car, returned to the entrance gate and... "You need a stamp." "What are you talking about?," I replied. "You need a stamp to re-enter." "I am not re-entering; I just bought my ticket two minutes ago." Another person walks up, oh, the douche who walked away when I asked where I purchase an entrance. "You need a stamp." "I don't understand what is happening. I just bought my ticket two minutes ago right in front of you." "Well, next time you need a stamp." I stormed in & sought to change my mentality. I start reading the rules posted ahead of the lines for each ride. No electronics, bracelets, etc. Where were these rules when I bought the ticket? I was wearing my GoPro wrist-casing. Certainly, I  wasn't going to leave it in a cubby at the start of the ride for an 11-year old to steal, and I wasn't going to trust a lifeguard to hold onto it during my descent. I might as well have called this attempt Lemony Snicket. Sometimes, what we cherish in our memories doesn't meet our expectations in the present. After walking around for another 15 minutes, I booked it for the exit & never looked back.

Maybe that seems like I am blowing things out of proportion. Maybe I am making a mountain out of an ant hill. The reality is my experience helped me make the correct decision because I arrived to Eau Claire a lot earlier than I expected. I don't want to say that "things happen for a reason" but I achieved a sense of clarity that was well-needed.

In Eau Claire, I got to reconnect with several people from my university life. I met up with T-Bo in Owen Park, near some of my first apartments. I met with Alisha in Phoenix Park, where I did some bizarre things in college... like throwing my phone into the Chippewa River, for example. Sorry, mom! I popped a squat at Scooter's Bar, where I danced many nights away. I drove through Carson Park, where I used to go running. I hiked through Mount Simon Park, strolled through Oakwood Mall. I caught up with my "sister lovers" Cassie and Chrissy, who were there for me through the good and the bad, as we all learned what it meant to grow-up.

With Cassie and Chrissy 💖

What Eau Claire represents to me is a lot of joy and pain, success and struggle, growth and destruction. It was where I first found and created my own community, integrated myself into a society as an adult. It's where I made many deep and meaningful connections with others for the first time in my life. When I reached the sign on I-94 that says "Welcome to Indianhead Country," a flood of memories long-forgotten swept over me. A feeling of home and belonging, one that I never really felt as strong after leaving Eau Claire in December of 2009, returned and it was overwhelming. I should have pulled off the highway because the feelings were too strong and I was crying like a baby. Eau Claire was home, and it always will be one to me. One of my favorite parts was walking onto the UWEC campus for the first time since I graduated in May 2010. Again, the feelings were overwhelming. So much has changed about the layout of the campus, but it still felt the same to me. The new Davies Center is stunning, as is the new  Centennial Hall that now houses the College of Education and Human Sciences. I was only able to find and meet with one of my former professors, Dr. Taylor. Emotions took over as I cried and thanked him for preparing me for my future and truly changing my life. I'm in the process of writing letters to several other professors that also significantly changed my life, making it possible to be in this very moment. My student loans are all paid-off, but I will never be able to fully forgive all my debts to them.

Once a Blugold, Always a Blugold.

On the UWEC Campus Mall

My next destination was Minneapolis, Minnesota. I had less than two days there but got to spend time with some of my favorite people in life. Pool time and lunch with Kristy and Dejan. Coffee with my Pooker of Love, Kenzie. Dinner and memories with Liz. My heart was full, I felt complete. I felt like I welcomed too many distractions after graduation from UWEC that put more distance between us than the physical 330-miles that separated us. I promise to not let another seven, eight, nine years go before seeing you again. I promise.

With Kenzie

With my Lizzie Poo

Then I went to Canada, which I am going to devote a whole separate post to. I greatly enjoyed my first official visit in the country, since the only other time was when I border-hopped during a canoe trip in the Boundary Waters. After returning from Canada, it felt like everything was going disastrously wrong. It took a minute to pull myself together, for sure. Once I did, things were on the up and up. I received direction I so desperately needed. I had conversations and bonding experiences that were a long time coming. I found answers to questions I was looking for. I started seeing the people in my estadounidense life in a new light. Who is or has been there for a reason, a season or a lifetime; however, that distinction does not have any correlation with whether I saw you or not. Chances are if I did see you that it's for a lifetime, though. I've been given the opportunity to redefine my position in the United States, for which I will be forever grateful and must continue to do. I can see my support network, and I can rely on them whenever I need.

With Lauren at Storm's Golf Driving Range

With my Dad and Tina at Lapham Peak State Park

There was nothing really to run away from in the United States, except from myself. There is so much still here for me to come back to, even if I never actually move back. I feel more open to longer, more frequent visits. In between visits, I know how I will stay in touch with the people who never stopped meaning so much to me and will continue to play a significant role in my life. This is a trip I will never, ever, ever, EVER forget.

P.S. Chrissy reminded me of how poor I was, or at least how poor I chose to live. When I couldn't afford to full-on grocery shop, I would eat plain Cheerios drenched in salad dressing, or simply condiment sandwiches. I am so glad to have moved on from that position in my life.